


I'll Follow You

by Naoish



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: AU - Kaneki and Hide Never Met As Children, AU - Knowledge of Ghouls is Commonplace, Alternate Universe, Angst, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Self Harm, Spoilers for 143, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2014-09-29
Packaged: 2018-02-19 06:06:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2377610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naoish/pseuds/Naoish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He remembered when he had everything, everything that now felt so far away.</p>
<p>Friends, close family, happiness, health.</p>
<p>Now all he had was his name.</p>
<p>Hideyoshi Nagachika. Hide for short.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Criticism is wholeheartedly welcome.  
> Also, sorry for the short first chapter!  
> I'm my own beta.

"Is there anything else I can bring you?"

The blonde-haired boy shook his head at the nurse, giving her the cue to leave, her breakfast cart in tow.

He sighed and leaned back, taking in a deep breath of the breeze from his window. He liked having them open, and most of the time his nurse let him get away with it. This way, he could hear the bustle of all the people in the streets below him. Cars, college students.

It was all music to his ears.

Sometimes Ayame, his regular nurse, would take him for short walks around the hospital campus, allowing him a few minutes of normalcy before putting him back into bed and unintentionally hiding him away from the rest of the world.

He remembered when he had everything, everything that had seemed to grow out of reach.

Friends, close family, happiness, health.

Now all he had was his name.

Hideyoshi Nagachika. Hide for short.

Hide faintly remembered the dizzy spells he had before everything tumbled down into the mess it was now. It started with forgetting small things, then the blackouts. Showers would run hot to cold in seconds, his weakening body gathered in a lump on the shower floor. Waking up in places other than his bed wasn't unusual.

Headaches would come and go sometimes as well, a ringing pain in his ears that made it impossible to focus on anything else.

Then the seizures.

He never remembered them, just waking up with a sore body in the arms of passing pedestrians or friends. Nothing triggered them in particular, but that didn't stop them from getting worse.

Pill bottles had lined his dresser, different drugs that were supposed to stop them, supposed to make life livable again, and instead he found himself gripping the white seat of a toilet and heaving or sleeping for days at a time. It was easier to go without them.

The seriousness of Hide's concern and fear didn't seem to worry his parents at all. It stung a little at first. 'Epilepsy runs in the family, Hide. We're sorry we didn't tell you sooner.'

In fact, they weren't worried at all until his pillow was soaked in blood from a nosebleed, or how he had fallen during a family gathering, his head slamming against the corner of the kitchen counter before he crumpled on the ground in a heap, shaking with tremors. His first grand mal.

"A brain tumor the size of a robin's egg," the doctor had told him with a stone face, his wrinkled fingers handing a clipboard with the diagnosis to his parents. "We can give him drugs to treat it and make things easier, but it's in a spot where it may grow quickly and if we touch that area of the brain he may never breathe or eat by himself again."

But it was easier for his parents to let someone else take care of him, to carry his weight. He didn't blame them.

So he ended up here, in a quiet palliative care clinic to live out the last four months of his life.

It wasn't like his parents didn't care about him, he knew they loved him. But at this point, he felt like as much of a burden as they must have thought of him.

His days were quiet and full of throwing back pills and sleeping or waiting for Ayame to bring him food and quiet company.

Hide's eyes wandered around his room, taking in the view that would eventually be his last. Quiet beeps echoed around the few machines that sat next to his bed.

On days like these when memories were the only thing he could think of to fill his head, he found his fingers absently tracing one of his prized possessions, a set of headphones he'd gotten for Christmas one year from his grandparents. 

His favorite part about being here sometimes was clasping those on and shutting out the world, drowning his thoughts in music and forgetting what it was like to be alive for a little while. Sometimes the isolation was almost comforting instead of maddening.

Visitors didn't usually come to interrupt him, although sometimes his mother would stop by with wet eyes and leave him with a new game for his handheld and his favorite burger from Big Girl. This last visitor he had, a cousin he hadn't spoken to in a while, had left a thick book for him on his nightstand.

He could barely read the cover.

"It's the Black Goat's Egg," she had said, pointing to the individual kanji. "It's really popular right now. I liked it a lot."

Hide had opened it and inspected it, amazed at the amount of little footnotes and highlights she had left scattered amongst the pages.

"It was my literature assignment last semester. I left explanations on some of the harder kanji if you get stuck," she told him, pointing to scribbles near intricate letters at the bottom of the page. Then she left, leaving a kiss on his forehead and shutting the door, sealing him off from everyone else again.

Hide had drifted off until a polite knock came to the door, gently rousing him.

"Come in," he yawned, stretching and wiping his eyes.

Only, the knock hadn't come from his door to the hall. It had come from the large, swinging doors that separated his balcony from the rest of his room. The doors swung open, and what Hide immediately recognized as a ghoul came in, shutting the doors once more before slumping in a chair across from him. He was panting, a lithe figure clad in a reflective, incredibly tight leather suit, protective mask balled up in his hand. His hands were quivering, gripping the arms of the chair with white knuckles.

"Are you okay?" Hide asked, nearly trying to climb out of his bed.

"I'll heal, just stay where you are. I just need to hide for a minute," he hissed, leaning his head back and swallowing.

"You're a ghoul," Hide breathed, a smile creeping on his lips. He could feel his knees quivering with excitement.

"I'm not. Please be quiet," the stranger insisted, but Hide could hear a twinge of panic on his voice, confirming his own suspicion.

"You're safe here. My name is Hideyoshi Nagachika," Hide chirped, swinging his legs out of bed and stumbling over to him, excitedly but carefully, his hand already extended. The stranger shook it weakly, his shining black and red eye taking him in.

"You can call me...Centipede."

"It's nice to meet you," Hide said, watching his body relaxing, his guard falling.

"Can you, maybe, scoot away? Your smell is a little overwhelming right now," Centipede said dryly, his unsoiled hand covering his nose and mouth.

"Sure."

Hide moved away and crawled back into his bed, tucking the sheets around his legs.

"You're an odd one," the ghoul laughed, breathing in relief when he was able to remove his hand from his side. His tongue drew along his blood-tinged lips, wetting them before he sighed and relaxed in the softness of the chair.

"You have white hair, and only one of your eyes turns," Hide teased. "And I'm the odd one?"

His guest smiled, but didn't laugh. A tender subject, perhaps. Hide ran his thumb over his knuckles in anticipation, mentally cursing himself for bringing it up.

"I should go," Centipede said quietly before getting up and running a hand through his hair. Those words drew panic to the front of Hide's mind, the crushing fear of loneliness already creeping back in with the thought of his fascinating guest leaving.

"Wait," Hide called, stopping Centipede before he got to the door.

"It's just that I don't get many visitors, and I've always taken an interest in ghouls."

The ghoul pursed his lips on the words and pondered for a moment.  
Hide interrupted his thoughts before he had a chance to refuse.

"Here," Hide said, handing the book from his nightstand out to him. It was the only thing in reach that he couldn't bear to part with. "This way you'll have an excuse to come back and see me. Please."

Centipede's eyes widened when he saw the cover, his mouth opening slightly. He took it from Hide's hand gently, running his thumb over the letters on the cover.

"Thank you," he breathed, and for once, a genuine smile came across his entire face. "Thank you very much."

"Be sure to bring it back to me."

With those words, Kaneki Ken left with a slight nod, shutting the balcony door quietly. Only this time, it didn't feel like Hide was being tucked away again. For the first time in forever, Hide found the warm feeling of a budding friendship finding its way in his heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! It means so much to me. :>
> 
>  
> 
> mega-ether.tumblr.com
> 
> Revised 4/6/15

It had been a bad fight with a ghoul that led him there.

He was wounded, not badly, but after slaying his opponent, more had shown up, and soon he was scrambling to find a place to hide.

It had been perfect.

Hospitals had installed RC gates to keep weak ghouls from feeding on even weaker humans. He couldn't be chased in. On top of that, he had managed to slip in through the window without his pursuers seeing where he had gone. 

And then he met _that_ boy.

The one who picked him apart with his eyes and revealed his nature immediately, yet didn't panic or cry for help.

In fact, Kaneki couldn't find any indication that he was even a little bit afraid.

He was calm. Completely and utterly calm to be in the same room as a ghoul, as if Kaneki was another run of the mill visitor.

Kaneki found himself tracing his fingers over the scribbled handwriting on the pages. Had he done all this? The notes were extensive and incredibly descriptive. Things were pointed out and explained in the margin of the pages that even Kaneki himself hadn't noticed until the first or even third time around. On top of that, it was his favorite book.

He found himself thinking of him, slipping into a daydream during sparring matches and letting his coffee go cold while he wondered over the strange human he'd visited.

"Kaneki-kun, you're slow. Are you thinking of me?"

"Shut up," he spat through gritted teeth, rising up like a wave and striking Tsukiyama to the ground.

"Perhaps it's time for a break," Tsukiyama choked, blood splattering between his lips.

Kaneki only nodded and left, wiping sweat and blood from his forehead. He headed straight for the shower, ignoring Tsukiyama's quiet pleas for help up.

The water poured over his face, a stream of dark red swirling and disappearing into the drain. He breathed in the steam, letting it flood his muddled head and clear out his stress. A quiet tap came to the door.

"Big brother," came Hinami's familiar voice. "Are you okay? I made lunch."

Kaneki turned off the faucet and dried himself off, throwing on some of Banjou's old clothes on before opening the door.

"I'm okay," he murmured, ruffling her hair and taking her hand, leading them both into the kitchen. Banjou was waiting for him at the table, as well as Tsukiyama. Bowls were set about in front of the chairs, full of a soup-like substance.

It had been a while since he'd eaten something other than other ghouls, and the welcoming aroma of the soup made him wonder how much Hinami's cooking had improved.

"Tsukiyama taught me this recipe!"

"Ah! _Ma douce petite chose_ , this is all the fruit of your hard work! I was merely the wind in your sails," he said, cupping her chin softly and pulling the chair back for her. How Kaneki hated when he spoke French. He respected and worked with Tsukiyama because of his strength, but trusting him was something that Kaneki couldn't completely muster.

"Big brother?"

Kaneki snapped out of his thoughts and smiled, sitting down next to her and taking the spoon that Banjou was holding out to him. Banjou was watching him out of the corner of his eye, his shoulders tensed until Kaneki took his first bite. Was he wondering if he would eat it? He wasn't fond of eating this particular meat, but if Hinami asked him for the world, it was hers.

"How is it?" she asked, looking at him expectantly. She had received noises of approval from the others, but her gaze was focused on Kaneki.

Kaneki hummed in pleasure, closing his eyes before he answered.

"It's wonderful, Hinami, thank you."

It really was, Hinami had come a long way from burned steaks and too-seasoned filets. Kaneki ate his portion and left the table early, washing his dishes and excusing himself to his room.

He reviewed his notes for what felt like the fiftieth time, his battle plans and information from brokers scattered on his desk. Aogiri was planning to strike soon, and he would need to fight.

He tried to convince himself that he wouldn't have time to take the book back, to risk his identity by visiting some sickly teenager in a hospital of all places, where the smell of blood and death ran rampant. Even still, he couldn't look at the cover of it on his bedside table without picturing an image of disappointment on Hideyoshi's face.

Kaneki drifted off to sleep, the open book's words burning their intricate design into his eyelids.

 

\-----------------------

 

" _Kaneki_."

He was running, until long tendrils snaked themselves around his ankles, dragging him back. He screamed, but only laughter echoed itself back to him.

" **I'm going to gently stir up your insides for you, okay?** "

Her kagune ripped into him, and the shrieks of terror from within bubbled over his lips and out into the open, filling his ears with a loud ringing.

And then suddenly the ringing stopped, leaving him confused until he found that he was in a chair, his hands bound firmly behind him.

_No, he couldn't be here. He had gotten out, he had killed Ja-_

" **Kanegiiiiiiiii** ," it shrieked. It hardly looked like him anymore. " **Count for me, what's one thousand minus seven**?"

A shimmering red snaked into its mouth like a mask, and saliva dribbled over its lips and splattered onto the ground.

" _Kaneki, it's just a dream. Wake up_."

It was in his eye, the needle again, and then the familiar, gut wrenching sensation of his toes detaching rocked his body again.

Terror washed over him like a wave of cold water, freezing him still and betraying his instinct to run. He felt the sick sensation of bile rising in his throat, his hands desperately straining to free himself from his constraints.

 _Please, please please stop. Just stop, **please stop**_.

" _He's still screaming, Banjoi, how do we wake_ -"

Kaneki squeezed his eyes shut, trying to imagine the warmth of his mother's arms around him, how her perfume smelled when she crawled out of bed in the morning and woke him up gently before work. He tried to imagine the soft kisses she'd lay on his forehead before sleep, or the way she hummed smoothly when she felt happiest.

He could barely feel her fingers brushing his cheeks until she fell still, surrounded by satin and flowers. He was out of his chair, and into another.

" **We gather here today to remember a sister, an aunt, a mother** -"

No, not this again. Kaneki left, rising out of his chair and turning away from the coffin, _her_ coffin.

Rain fell around him in a curtain, and Kaneki crumpled to his knees, his hands clamped firmly around his ears.

What was to come next? This had to be hell.

A weak arm tugged at his own, girlish fingers digging into his shirt fabric.

"Hi...nami?" he whispered, praying that he was wrong, opening his eyes to look at her. Her face was contorted into one of terror, pulling him toward her point of attention. Not this again.

Ryoko, her mother, was in front of them some distance away, surrounded by CCG officers. She sat in a crumpled heap, a weak smile on her mouth. Kaneki couldn't tell whether or not it was tears or rain that poured down her cheeks, but the memory of this moment hit him like a punch to the gut as he remembered what came next almost as soon as it happened.

He watched in still horror as the doves' quinque ripped through her, and Hinami's screams filled his ears as her mother's blood was flung onto their clothes.

" _We have to wake him up, he's hurting himself_ -"

He had to save her, he had to do something-

 

Kaneki woke up gasping, soaked in a cold sweat as Banjou, Hinami and Tsukiyama hung over him with grim expressions on their faces.

Another nightmare.

 

"S-sorry, I just-" he gasped, choking as his hand grasped desperately at his chest in an attempt to slow his racing heart. 

"Don't worry about it," Banjou assured, helping Kaneki into a sitting position and rubbing circles into his shoulders. Kaneki coughed, his body trembling, fingers resting on Banjou's neck to steady himself. Banjou supported him tenderly, his arm pulling him into a gentle hug, encouraging Kaneki to calm down. He accepted the offer, burying his face into his companion's shoulder. "It's alright, Kaneki," he whispered, hand kneading the muscles of his back softly. Kaneki nodded and pulled away to dry his eyes.

"Its okay! I get nightmares all the time, Big Brother," Hinami said softly, forcing a smile. It was a sweet notion, but Kaneki's stomach turned over the words. If he had just been able to save her mother, Hinami may not be in such a dangerous position. Hinami would still have had some semblance of a normal life.

Kaneki buried his face into his clammy hands, trying to stop his own soft quivering. Tsukiyama held out a cup of coffee for him, and he accepted it with a gentle nod.

"What time is it?" Kaneki asked quietly, swallowing the lump in his throat before savoring a mouthful of bitter coffee.

"It's almost noon," Tsukiyama answered, taking Kaneki's outstretched cup and setting it on the nightstand.

"I slept _that_ long?"

Banjou nodded and motioned for Tsukiyama to come away from the bed.

"We were going to let you keep sleeping, but...," Banjou trailed off and motioned to Kaneki's hands.

 _His hands_?

Kaneki looked down at them, folded together in his lap. They were stained with blood, some dry, some fresh.

Upon further inspection, he found lacerations on his arms and chest, scratches that allowed for blood to seep into his clothes and sheets.

"I'm sorry, everyone. Please don't worry yourselves too much about me," he whispered, sliding off the bed and away from them, shutting and locking the bathroom door between them.

The others were whispering, but about what? Did they think he was weak?

They had every right to. He felt like a burden on them, his instability putting everyone at risk.

Kaneki curled into a ball at the bottom of the bathtub, breathing in the vapor-filled air and thinking about the boy in the hospital bed.

 

\--------

 

Nightfall came, and Kaneki pulled on one of Banjou's oversized hooded sweatshirts and left, tucking the book safely in his front pocket, careful not to bend the flags on the edge of the pages.

What room was it again? It was somewhere on the seventh floor.

He remembered the floor number distinctly, after all, it was his lucky number.

The oncology ward? A hollow pit wedged itself under his ribs when he realized that the area Hide was in, was in an area with the terminal patients of the oncology ward.

Hide wasn't here for a minor surgery or a cancerous lesion.

Hide had been _left_ here to die.

Visiting him just once was only fair since he, assumedly, didn't rat him out.

He knocked once, then twice, and the door opened.

A short, red-haired nurse greeted him, her face lighting up when he asked if this was, in fact, Hide's room.

"Y-yes it is! He's just eaten dinner and had his medicine so he's a little loopy, but you can see him," she said, her eyes roaming around his figure, lingering on the white hair and black nails.

He tucked his hands into his pockets and nodded, easing past her and beelining for the chair next to his bed.

Hide was sleeping, his headphones hanging around his neck.

Kaneki got a better look at him now that it was well lit in here because of the nurse's visit, and he didn't have to squint in the darkness.

His stomach sank at Hide's features.

Dark purple rimmed both eyes, and his cheekbones were easily visible, two harsh lines on either side of his face. Even his arms were thin, littered with band aids from injections, paper thin skin taut over his bones.

Kaneki swallowed the dryness in his throat, his fingers quivering as he took the book from his pocket and laid it on the nightstand.

This was all too much for him, it reminded him of being here, watching his mother waste away as she swore she would hurry home and take care of him. His legs ached, urging him to be down the stairs and out of here before he could think otherwise.

Hide resembled her in the way of illness, but he was far too young. Were he and Kaneki the same age? Hide shouldn't be here, he should be in school, he should be-

"Centi...pede," Hide said weakly, turning his head to look at him and smiling, pushing the syllables out with labored breaths. "Why are you...counting?"

 _Counting_? He hadn't noticed.

"It's a habit, sorry. I brought your book back," Kaneki murmured, pushing it toward Hide with his index finger.

"Thank you. I knew you would," Hide said through a smile, his tongue tracing his dry lips. He coughed, a dry, rattling noise, and Kaneki cringed, trying to ignore the familiar sound.

"Sorry, I know it sounds bad. I'll be fine," Hide continued, reaching out to a juice box on the table that sat across his lap.

Kaneki watched Hide's shaking fingers as they pulled the straw out of the plastic and struggled to punch it through the hole.

"I'll get it," Kaneki whispered, taking the straw gently and pushing it through.

He passed it back to him and leaned away, trying not to let the admiring smile he was receiving break his shell.

 _This was just a visit_ , and his last.

He couldn't come back here, he reminded himself. _Don't put anyone else in danger_.

Kaneki's eyes wandered around the room, taking in the stark white of an average hospital room, unbroken in the absence of flowers that one normally sees. 'Chemotherapy', along with today's date, was written in black scrawl on a white board, and Kaneki shivered. He'd heard stories of the effects, but seeing them in person was totally different.

"How have you been, Hide?" Kaneki asked, focusing his attention back to his host.

Hide put up a finger, gently asking Kaneki to wait as he leaned over a shallow bin in his lap.

He was shaking harder, his face paling, sweat-covered, as he heaved.

Kaneki scooted closer, patting him on the back until Hide regained his composure and put the empty bin away.

"S-sorry, I get a little nauseated on Wednesdays when the other nurse visits. She brings the treatment," he said, his fingers tugging at the threads of the quilt on his lap. "I really am glad you came to see me, though. I'm fine, promise."

Kaneki's instincts would have had him out the door and back to the hideout by now, had he been listening to them.

"Yeah, sure," he said, trying to avoid eye contact. He could see Hide's face light up suddenly, obviously moved on from the previous topic.

"I almost forgot! So what kind of ghoul are you?"

" _Could you be a little louder_?" Kaneki whispered, pressing a finger to his lips.

Hide laughed and clamped a hand over his mouth, nodding in acknowledgement.

"Rinkaku," Kaneki whispered, letting his kakugan flicker just quickly enough for Hide to see it in the light as he pulled his eyepatch away.

Hide sighed in wonder, his face flushing with excitement. Kaneki tried not to let the flattery show in his cheeks, tried not to think for a second that becoming a ghoul _wasn't_ the worst thing that happened to him.

"That's so cool," Hide whispered, running his hands through his hair, his mouth open wide.

"You're so weird," Kaneki muttered, laughing softly as he leaned back in his chair, readjusting his eyepatch.

"Why is it only one eye though?"

"I don't really want to talk about it," Kaneki said with a shrug, pursing his lips when he was reminded of exactly how he had come to be this way.

"Okay, then we won't."

"Thanks."

"Can I see it? Your kagune," Hide asked in a hushed tone, pointing to his own lower back.

"Why would you want to do that?"

"You talk about it like it _isn't_ the _coolest thing ever_ ," Hide teased, taking another sip of his juice.

"I'll show you sometime when there are less people around. Too many nurses tonight," Kaneki said curtly. He cursed himself when he remembered that a statement like that meant he would be back here. The more he thought about it, though, the more a third visit didn't seem so bad.

"Okay, sure," Hide chirped, excitement creeping back into his voice.

Kaneki remembered the book at once, and how he had planned on asking Hide about his thoughts on it.

"So you're a fan of Takatsuki Sen," Kaneki started as he leaned forward on his elbows. "What did you think about the Black Goat's Egg?"

"I'm sorry, what?" Hide said, stifling a chuckle. "Oh! The book."

Kaneki nodded.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't read it. It was a gift from one of my family members. She's studying that sort of thing," Hide said apologetically. "Sorry to disappoint you."

So Hide didn't write any of those notes? Kaneki couldn't help but feel a little disappointed to miss out on a chance to talk about it, but praised Hide inwardly for his honesty.

"Oh, that's alright," Kaneki said with a wave of his hand, dismissing Hide's nervous smile.

There was an awkward silence between the two of them as each struggled on what to say.

"Would you mind opening my windows?"

Kaneki nodded and made his way to the wide, door-like windows at the end of the room.

A cool breeze rolled in around the balcony, and Kaneki turned in time to see Hide close his eyes and savor the feeling of wind on his face.

He was almost beautiful to Kaneki, his frail features urging his instinct to protect.

He briefly wondered how much more lively he had been before he ended up here. His energy, even at this state, was impressive to say the least.

"Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to dive right off the edge, you know? Better than wasting away," Hide said in awe of his wide balcony as he pulled the blanket further up to warm himself.

It was a genuine wish, but one a boy his age shouldn't have. Kaneki must have let it show on his face because Hide backtracked immediately.

"Sorry, it's a stupid thought. Please don't tell anyone," Hide said quietly, trying his hardest not to let his voice show how nervous he was.

"I won't. You should hold what you have left here dear to you. I'm sure there are a lot of people that want to protect you. People that love you," Kaneki murmured, scooting forward, closer to Hide. "You're so young, Hide."

Hide leaned into Kaneki, closing the distance and pulled him into a hug, burying his face into his lean shoulder.

Kaneki's eyes widened in surprise, but he didn't pull away. He snaked his arms underneath Hide's and held him close, breathing in his lingering homely smell.

Hide's frame shook gently with what Kaneki could only guess were sobs. Hide had obviously been trying to play down the environment to ease into a friendship with Kaneki. His ear-to-ear smiles could have fooled Kaneki if he weren't such a pro at doing the same thing. He found himself running his hands along Hide's back, soothing his disdain. A comforting reflex Banjou had instilled in him after countless nights of being calmed by him this way before he was tired enough to sleep again. 

"I...hardly remember...what it was like to be a kid," Hide choked, his cold tears wetting Kaneki's shoulder.

His words rang deep in Kaneki's chest. That was something he could agree with. _What was it like to be a teenager again_?

He couldn't remember. He could barely remember what it was like to just be human.

His life had gone from quiet college work to struggling as a ghoul in the 20th ward. Kaneki didn't fight the tears that rolled down his face and dripped onto Hide's thin back.

He would be strong enough for the both of them. Kaneki _had to be_.

He would eradicate the wrongness in this world, free Hide from his deathbed somehow.

He _had to_.

Hide pulled away and wiped off his face, his face red as his sobs eased into laughter.

"I'm such a mess, sorry. Don't worry about me," he said between hiccups, forcing a smile.

Hide glanced at the clock, and Kaneki's eyes followed. Had it really been that long?

"I have to go now, Hide. I'll come see you again tomorrow," Kaneki said as he rose out of his chair.

"Okay, Centipede," he said softly, disappointment in his tone. 

"My name is Kaneki."

Hide smiled warmly, nodding and waving to Kaneki as he reluctantly turned and left, giving one last smile to his friend before he closed the door.

Kaneki walked home briskly, his mind left behind in Hide's room.

He couldn't shake the warm smile, or the way Hide's laugh sounded out of his thoughts.

When he got home, he felt immensely better than he had yesterday, or any day before that.

It was like someone had taken a weight off his chest, like how he used to feel as a giddy child when his mother bought him a new book.

"Big brother, let's sit," Hinami said in her usual sweet tone, pushing him toward the dinner table.

"Kaneki-kun, you look well!"

"Tsukiyama's right, Kaneki. Where were you? You look better," Banjou chimed in before digging into the leftovers from yesterday.

"I went to see a friend."

The three exchanged looks before finishing their dinner and exchanging goodnights as they made their way to their respective rooms.

Kaneki flopped onto his bed, Hide's gentle smile burned into the back of his eyelids before he drifted off into a restful sleep. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kaneki and Hide make promises they aren't sure they can keep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rev 4/6/15

Hide watched as Kaneki left, breathing a gentle sigh before breaking down only when he was sure Kaneki couldn't hear him.

Why couldn't they have met earlier?

_Could they have been friends?_

He composed himself before Ayame returned, helping him into the shower and changing his sheets, then sitting with him quietly as he ate his dinner.

"Your eyes are red, Hide. Is he being mean to you?"

"No, no. It's not like that. He's a friend," he laughed, feeling the puffiness under his eyes, his other hand bringing a spoon of rice to his mouth.

"Hey, there's some good stuff in here," he said in surprise as she uncovered the rest of his food. A bowl of rich brown curry was definitely not a part of the weekly cafeteria menu. He grinned before popping the lid off and taking a bite. "You're too good to me, Ayame."

"Shhh, I snuck it in," she giggled, motioning to the deep pockets of her smock. "I've been trying some new recipes, so tell me how it tastes."

"It's awesome," Hide said, muffled through a second mouthful of vegetables and broth.

"I'll come back in a little while with your last dose for today," she said with a smile, taking his dishes from earlier out and waving through the crack in the door.

Hide always enjoyed when Ayame was working the day shift, and especially when she had free time to linger during visits for medicine and food. She was compassionate and kind, like how he had imagined it would be like to have an older sister. The days passed by a little quicker that way.

The TV was playing distantly in the background, some broadcast of a missing teenager.

_".....missing student from Kamii University, 19 year-old Kaneki Ken..."_

Hide's head snapped away from his food and toward the screen.

There he was.

Only, _this_ Kaneki wasn't _his_ Kaneki.

This Kaneki was fresh-faced, with dark hair and two uncovered eyes.

The face was the same, which led Hide to wonder what had happened that changed his appearance so drastically.

But why was Kaneki considered missing?

He wasn't. He was here, in the 20th ward. He was Hide's friend.

But what if he didn't come back like he said he would? What right did Hide have over his friends and family to see him?

Hide felt incredibly selfish for worrying over Kaneki's next visit.

There was something about him, something he was sure Kaneki didn't want anyone to see. Kaneki was kind and strong, but _wounded_.

He was tucked away, just like Hide. He had tucked himself away. 

He could be strong enough for he and Kaneki both.

He could be an anchor, a shoulder. He could be the friend that he was sure Kaneki needed and _deserved_.

A familiar warmth filled him, stretching inside from his scalp down to his toes. He remembered this feeling, this yearning to be needed, to be loved.

Hide was smiling when Ayame came back, even as he swallowed the thick white pills that made him restless and nauseated.

"Something to help you sleep," she said, holding up a syringe and sticking it into his IV. Hide felt tired at once, whispering a soft thank you before his eyes became too heavy to keep open, and he found himself dreaming of the kind, white-haired ghoul by the name of Kaneki Ken.

\--------

Hide woke to quiet sunshine and puffy white flowers on both sides of his bed. Less comforting, though, was the familiar pounding in his head and the weakness in his limbs.

A card stuck out from the bottom of a crystalline vase.

' _Thought you needed something to brighten up the place. See you tonight_ -K'

Hide smiled at the thought that Kaneki, his Kaneki, had been here. He was anxious to see him, but also anxious that someone else would see him along the way.

If there were news broadcasts about him, wouldn't somebody recognize him?

Then again, white Kaneki looked a bit different...

He was interrupted by Ayame, who let herself in quietly.

"Oh! I thought you'd still be asleep," she said with a gentle smile.

"I just woke up, actually," Hide yawned.

She winked and pointed to the covered platter in front of him, her finger once again resting in front of her mouth. How much would she spoil him?

Hide laughed, carefully removing it. Pancakes, thick and fluffy, topped with a dollop of whipped cream and strawberries were arranged neatly, making his mouth water in an instant.

"You're too good to me, you sneak."

"You're one of my favorites, Hide. It's good to see that sunny personality again," she said with a ruffle of his hair.

He smiled in acknowledgement, wasting no time to dig into his breakfast, stuffing himself until he couldn't move. Ayame left once he swallowed his pills between hefty bites of fruit and pancake, leaving him to his thoughts.

\---------

When night came, Hide was still alone. Kaneki was late, or _would he show up at all_?

Hide rubbed his knuckles anxiously, listening intently for Kaneki's signature seven-tone knock, the one that made his heart rise into his throat.

It came after Hide had fallen asleep, his eyes still pointed at the door.

Kaneki looked disheveled, dirty and seriously exhausted.

He slumped in the chair next to Hide's bed, his head falling back to rest on the back of the chair.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm alright," Kaneki murmured, his throat raspy and dry.

"Are you thirsty? Wait, can ghouls even drink water?"

"Yeah," Kaneki said, stifling a laugh.

"There's a cup next to the sink. Help yourself."

"Thanks," Kaneki murmured, washing his face and hands as well.

"I'm glad you came. You must be exhausted," Hide said softly, leaning forward, propping his elbows up on his knees.

"I like coming here. These visits are...nice," Kaneki murmured, trying not to let his face blush like he knew it would. "You're a good friend."

A few moments of silence passed between the two of them, until Kaneki's face darkened slightly. "It was hard for me to see you this morning. I've never seen anyone have a seizure before. I'm really sorry I left before I said goodbye."

Hide's eyes widened, his mouth opening in an apology. He didn't remember having a seizure. Well, he usually didn't, but when Ayame would tell him that he had one, he usually remembered the moments surrounding his missing time. 

His skin went cold at the realization that he was already worsening. Would he pass before he got to know Kaneki as much as he wanted to? Would he leave behind an empty bed, gone before he could say goodbye in all the ways that he wanted to?

He cut his thoughts off by looking at Kaneki's smooth features, his thoughts filling with the way his eyes wrinkled when he laughed, or how he would balance his chin on his palm when Hide was talking. Today, Kaneki looked drained, his face partially hidden by his hands.

An idea rose in Hide's mind. It was a little risky, but he went for it. He pushed the sheets back, exposing his legs, then patted the bed next to him.

"You look really tired. Lay down for a minute, will you?"

Kaneki nodded, shrugging off his jacket, clothed in his skin-tight suit underneath.

He slid in next to Hide, nearly pressing himself against him.

The thought of it made Hide incredibly nervous.

He didn't like Kaneki that way, _couldn't_ like Kaneki that way.

It would be too hard later, too hard for Kaneki when he died.

He thought about Kaneki knocking on his door, only to be told that he was already gone, burned up or buried.

He wondered if it would have any impact on him.

_A snake doesn't weep over a mouse._

Would a ghoul _really_ miss him?

No, it was too harsh to think of him as just a predator.

Kaneki was kind and smart. Gentle.

But Hide still thought it better not to cuddle up to him like he really wanted to. Kaneki turned over, facing toward Hide, his breaths slowing down, face falling soft.

Was he already asleep?

"Kaneki," he whispered.

No response.

Hide pressed a hand over his mouth to quiet his laughter, his eyes roaming over Kaneki's soft features, fingers reaching only inches from his soft white hair.

Hide thought it better not to mess with a sleeping ghoul.

He sat like that for a while, flat on his back.

Kaneki eventually curled up around him, his arm thrown over Hide's stomach as his body slowly regressed into something close to the fetal position, legs twisting around Hide's pelvis.

Kaneki did a lot of whispering in his sleep, quiet noises like pleas, soft cries for help.

"Hide," he whispered, his fingers pressing hard into the bed around Hide.

"Yeah?" Hide yawned, fighting off sleep.

"Hide, Hide. _Hidehidehidehide_ -"

Kaneki was quivering, his skin slick with cold sweat as he clung to him, burying his face in Hide's chest.

"Kaneki, it's alright," he whispered, running his fingers through his thick white hair, dirt and dry flecks of blood loosening and gathering underneath him. 

"I'm okay. I'm alive."

Kaneki seemed to relax, his muscles no longer contracting and relaxing violently as he dreamt, breaths deepening as his skin dried naturally.

"I'll live if you do," Hide murmured into Kaneki's hair, muffling the words before he drifted off as well, dreaming of his lost health and what it was like to be a kid.

\----

Kaneki woke up before he did, because Hide woke up alone.

Loose dirt clung to his pillow, reminding him of the person who had just slept there. He swept it off and closed his eyes, the feeling of Kaneki's skin lingering on his own. 

Hide savored the memory of Kaneki's figure wrapped around him protectively.

And his kagune, a splendid rinkaku that he had only seen behind his own eyelids. That was enough.

He closed his eyes and tried to imagine the shimmering red, the beautiful color that was spread over those long tendrils.

A note was scribbled on the bottom of his whiteboard.

' _I'll come back later. Promise_. -K'

Hide watched the news a lot that day, looking eagerly for a news report about ghouls, waiting anxiously for the familiar name he loved to hear.

All he got were news reports about some ghoul gang invading the 20th ward.

The CCG was urging all citizens to stay inside or travel with pairs.

Dove numbers had sharply increased, making Hide's stomach knot up at the thought that Kaneki might get caught up in this mess.

No, Kaneki would be fine.

He _had_ to be fine.

He _promised_ he'd come back.

_Kaneki wouldn't break a promise._

Hide waited anxiously, watching the sun set after hours of bored agony.

The knocks came, and Hide's heart shot into his throat.

Kaneki stepped in, his face twisted in an uncomfortable expression.

"Are you alright?"

Hide found himself asking that almost every time Kaneki visited.

"Hide, there's some bad stuff going on outside."

"Yeah, I saw it on the news. A really nasty gang of ghouls, right?"

"Yeah," Kaneki muttered nervously, squeezing his thumb in his fist.

"Hide, I won't let anything happen to you."

"I'll be alright," Hide assured quietly, motioning for Kaneki to sit down.

"You don't understand. If they win, if Aogiri wins, they'll destroy everything," Kaneki whispered, sitting down as he buried his face in his hands.

" _They'll come here_."

Hide swallowed dryly at the thought of being eaten by ghouls.

"No! They won't. I won't let anything happen to you, Hide. I will protect you," Kaneki said through gritted teeth.

"This feels like a goodbye," Hide said softly.

Kaneki shook his head.

"No, I'll come back. I promise, when we win, I'll come back here and take you with me."

"Okay," Hide murmured through the lump in his throat, the tightness that usually preceded tears.

"You have to promise me you'll fight too," Kaneki said, commanding Hide's attention.

"Promise me you'll live. Live until I come back." Hide nodded and crossed his pinky with the ghoul's, tears welling up in his eyes.

"You could not go," Hide whispered, letting the words come out of his mouth before he scolded himself inwardly for being _so damn selfish_.

"I'm sorry, Hide, but I have to protect everyone. If I don't go, and something bad happened to you, I could never forgive myself."

"Why does this feel like the last time I'll see you? Please, please come back," Hide choked.

His stomach tightened at the thought that _Kaneki_ -

No, he couldn't think about it.

 _It wouldn't happen_.

Kaneki had to come back.

He _promised_.

Kaneki closed the distance between them with a soft kiss, curling his fingers under Hide's ear and chin. Heat rose in his cheeks, a pleasant warmth the spread from his face all the way to his toes.

Hide leaned into it, the softness of the ghoul's lips taking him by surprise. Why did it have to happen like this? He could feel their chemistry, a bond he couldn't explain. How long had it been since they had met? Two weeks? He didn't care, but for some reason he felt as if Kaneki had always been with him. And this kiss, their first kiss. He wanted a thousand more. He wanted to be healthy again, to be able to hold Kaneki and kiss him on his own. To run and play with him, to wrestle and pass out in the grass on warm summer days and cuddle together inside on days when the cold made going outside impossible, exchanging a thousand sweet kisses with this person that he already cared so deeply for.

It ended all too soon, with Kaneki pulling away before Hide's mind had a chance to react to the lack of touch, before he could reach out and hold him, keep him here.

Keep him safe.

 _He was Kaneki's anchor_.

Kaneki left quietly, Hide's vision blurring with tears as he opened the door and gave one last smile before leaving Hide alone again.

Only this time, it felt like he had been sealed away.

In the silence, Hide brought his knees to his chest and didn't hold back the sobs that quaked him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, when the day is blue
> 
> I'll sit here,
> 
> wondering about you.  
> \--
> 
> Takes place during 137-140.  
> Rev 4/6/15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> One chapter to go.

Kaneki didn't sleep that night.

No, he had gone home, if that's what you wanted to call the Anti-Aogiri den.

_He had gone home to prepare for a fight._

Banjou and Hinami were gone, having already beaten him to the excitement.

Kaneki's mind was filled with Hide, lovely, sweet Hide. How warm it was to hold him close, and to feel his lips on his own. Kaneki's fingers reached up and traced his bottom lip, his eyes closed and working hard to paint Hide's smile on the back of his eyelids. 

He remembered, not so fondly, how it had been when he was talking comfortably with him, and then suddenly Hide's features were contorted with discomfort, his eyes rolling back in his head as a seizure rocked his weak body. 

The memory left a sour taste in his mouth.

Tsukiyama sat at the table, his features frozen in that of horror, face wet and stained with tears.

"I thought you had already gone, _mon amour_ ," he choked out, trying to attain Kaneki's attention.

"No, not yet. But I'm going."

"You'll die out there. Please don't go," Tsukiyama sounded like he was begging at this point, which was new.

Kaneki had never seen this prideful man show anything less than what he wanted anyone else to see superficially.

"I'm aware of the danger," Kaneki responded quietly, turning away from him.

He heard the other clatter to the floor, crawling over to his feet as he had turned to leave.

Tsukiyama was helplessly clinging to Kaneki's ankles, digging his nails in as a weak attempt to stop Kaneki.

"I'm sorry, Tsukiyama," he whispered, leaning down and brushing his lavender hair behind his ear.

" _But I'm tired of not being able to do a thing_."

\-------

Hide made sure to leave the TV on nearly all night, hoping with crossed fingers that some broadcast would tell him what was going on. The sound of sirens and people running flooded his ears, making him wish that he, too, could fight with Kaneki.

Why did he have to be here?

If he was Kaneki's anchor, did that mean he was really only good for just sitting here and waiting?

But he had to be here for when Kaneki came back.

And he _would_ come back.

_He promised_.

He was quiet when Ayame returned, her own fingers shaking as he asked for information on the commotion outside.

"It's...pretty scary isn't it? The CCG will keep us all safe," she murmured, but it seemed like she herself needed to be convinced that that was the truth.

His fingers quivered in his lap, even as he tried to steady his aching heart. He pretended not to notice, turning his gaze instead to the window. 

_Kaneki would want him to be strong._

"I'm sure they will."

_He would be strong enough for everyone_. 

\-------

Kaneki found himself facing off once more against the tall CCG officer he had spared before.

He wouldn't kill him, not this time, even under these circumstances.

"I won't fight you," Kaneki murmured, eyes half lidded in disinterest.

"That isn't up to you," the dove hissed, charging at him with a sword-like quinque, firing bullets into the air simultaneously, making it difficult for Kaneki to dodge, but not impossible.

"Eyepatch," he called. "You always seem to appear in important situations. I wonder, are you our reaper?"

The quinque split in two at once, two fine swords in either of his hands. A display of power, a threat. A challenge for him to fight.

"Will you chase me, even if I were to go around you?"

The dove was silent, turning his head away at the question.

"Is that so," Kaneki whispered.

"Then I understand."

More doves appeared, surrounding the first, flanking him on either side. Kaneki's stomach tightened with worry. He couldn't be here too long, if he didn't make it to Anteiku in time, if he didn't save the manager, the Owl, all was lost.

He needed to get around these doves and to the others quickly.

_But first_ -

"I do not wish to kill you," Kaneki called loudly, not only to his opponent, but as a warning to the others. He focused his attention back to the black-haired dove that looked at him with so much disdain.

"If you would, may I ask your name?"

"Don't fuck with me, you ghoul bastard," he hissed, bringing his quinque back to strike. "The only place you're going is Cochlea."

He struck near Kaneki's feet, sending him into the air gracefully, poised above him, ready to strike.

"My name is Koutarou Amon," he shouted, teeth clenched on the last few syllables.

_"Don't die then, Amon."_

\---------

Hide's body was burning with anxiety, a sickening so-cold-it-felt-hot feeling that crept under his skin and swallowed him up. He knew Kaneki had promised, in fact, he wasn't sure he'd let him forget it, that he promised to get him out of here.

And yet he just couldn't stop worrying, couldn't stop imagining what could possibly be happening in the middle of the 20th ward now that Aogiri was here in full swing.

Was Kaneki fighting someone?

Would Kaneki fight a human?

Hide briefly wondered if Kaneki had killed anybody before, or if he would tonight.

The former question seemed like it would have been a given, but something about Kaneki felt _so damn human_.

There had to be some other way he was eating.

Hide directed his attention to the TV screen, listening intently to a blonde-haired woman talk about the current situation right outside, less than a mile away from underneath Hide's window.

".... _several high ranking ghouls have appeared, including the SS ranking 'Centipede', whose identity has now been revealed as 19 year-old Kaneki Ken, among other_ s..."

The words rang deep in Hide's body, driving nausea into his stomach.

_They knew_.

They knew Kaneki was a ghoul now, and probably what he had come to look like.

It would be hard if he came back, since so many people would be on the lookout for the new Kaneki, _his_ Kaneki.

But he had _promised_.

_He would come back_.

Kaneki was in this full swing now, he wouldn't be coming back so soon. Not tonight, for sure. But someday, once Aogiri was defeated and Kaneki could relax when those he held dear were safe.

_Hide was one of those people now._

Kaneki's warm words of protection echoed in his mind, giving him hope.

_He had faith in him_.

Hide let himself fall asleep, imagining what it felt like before when Kaneki was so close, when he was safe for just a short while.

\-------

His arm.

_He had cut off Amon's arm._

He didn't mean to, he hadn't mean to actually hurt him.

But he had.

Amon's open wound drove Kaneki to want to feed, his instincts pushing him to recover the detached arm.

**No, that was _Rize_ , not Kaneki. **

Something sharp tore through Kaneki's side, and now the smell of his own blood was heavy in his nostrils, sickening him in an instant.

It wasn't healing.

The sinews weren't reattaching themselves.

Kaneki clamped a hand over it defensively, backing away in the direction of an open sewage port.

They were inside him now, pushing him into something that he wasn't.

**Get out of me. It's mine**.

He could feel their influence, the hunger, _her_ hunger, not his.

_Jason's_ brutality, not his.

He was Kaneki Ken, and this was _his_ body.

**Give it back to me, it's mine**.

Her fingers ghosted along his shoulders, teasing him.

His words echoed in Kaneki's ears, threatening to drive him mad.

**GET OUT OF ME.**

Her childish laughter rang out, echoing off the sewer walls, reminding him of what _she had made him._

Jason felt so close, Kaneki thought that if he just closed his eyes and reached out, he could find him, destroy him for good.

**THIS IS MY BODY. IT'S MINE**.

Footsteps echoed closer, snapping Kaneki out of his half-kakujya daze and calling him to follow.

The smell of blood was heavy in the air, even down here.

Kaneki took a deep breath and turned in the direction of the smell.

Not blood, but _corpses_.

Corpses littered the ground around him, destroyed bodies and carnage as far as the eye could see.

Not human bodies, though, these were _ghouls_.

A figure caught his attention some distance away, turning slowly to face him.

He was lithe, with pale features and light hair, round glasses.

_No, it couldn't be._

"Arima...Kishou."

The CCG's **God of Death**.


	5. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If there's no one beside you,
> 
> when your soul embarks
> 
> I'll follow you into the dark. 
> 
>  
> 
> \---  
> Rev 4/6/15

_I'm so tired_.

"How ugly we are."

 _My head is pounding_.

"Let's rest for a while."

 _Yeah, just a little while_.

"Thank you for everything you've done."

_Where am I going?_

"The only place you're going is Cochlea."

_Is that so?_

"Kaneki Ken, is it?"

_Arima. Wait, I have to get back-_

"You're strong, Kaneki."

_No, stop! I have to get back to Hide._

"I'm alright. I'm alive."

_Hide, please. Just wait a little longer._

"Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to dive right off."

_No, you have to live. Hide-_

"-spread my arms and make my own way out."

_Please, please just wait a little longer._

"Please don't tell anyone."

 _I won't. I'm so tired_.

"I don't want this taken away from me."

 _I just need to rest for a little while_.

"Please, please come back."

_I will. I promise. I'll take you with me._

\---------

The day that passed after Kaneki left was agonizing for Hide.

He had given up most of his sleeping time in favor of watching TV, scanning the channels for any news reports about Aogiri and the CCG.

It came at the end of the second day he had been waiting, and when it arrived, Hide had to lean forward to keep from throwing up.

He pressed his hands over his ears, trying to imagine that he couldn't hear the words coming from the TV.

He had already seen his face, that familiar face, crossed out as the list of slain ghouls rolled across the screen.

_"Many CCG officers, including some of the elite squad were slain last night."_

Hide clamped his hands harder, shutting out the words, shutting out the girl that spoke of death and destruction in a monotone manner.

_"....Arima Kishou, credited for the elimination of nearly 300 ghouls last night, also reportedly took down several high ranking ghouls, including..."_

Hide could feel his eyes welling up, his chest bubbling with anger and despair. He screamed, trying to drown out the name that followed.

_"...Kaneki Ken, the missing 19 year-old college student from Kamii University..."_

Hide found himself climbing out of bed, trudging weakly to the large windows at the end of his room.

He swung them open, gripping the handles with his knobby hands to keep himself up.

Kaneki couldn't keep his promise.

_"...who was also known to the CCG as an SS ranking ghoul by the nickname 'Centipede'..."_

If Kaneki couldn't keep his promise, why should he?

His fingers found the edge of the railing, pulling himself up so that he was able to stand.

He closed his eyes, struggling to remember the way Kaneki had sounded when he laughed, or how soft his lips were when they pressed against his own that once.

He had to do this.

He had to excuse himself from this tragedy before he forgot him altogether. 

The door behind him opened, and Ayame let out a horrible gasp as she fell to her knees, begging for Hide to hold still.

Hide pulled a foot over, pressing it flat to the side of the railing as he struggled to lift the other.

The wind blew through the open air, swirling his hair around his face.

"Hide, please don't do this. Please, please come back."

"I'm sorry, Ayame. It looks like I can't keep my promise after all," he murmured, standing on wobbly legs, his eyes falling on a gathering group of passersby under his balcony.

He wondered what Kaneki would say if he was here.

Would he pull him back, hold him close?

He tried to imagine what it would feel like to be held again, to feel Kaneki's warm skin pressed against his.

Kaneki must be cold by now.

Hide's foot slipped, causing a laugh to rise out of his throat in excitement.

It was exhilarating, being so close to death at once.

"Hide, PLEASE!"

Hide's hands rose above him, spread out on either side as he let himself lean over the side, falling, savoring the way the wind was beating him as he sank through the air.

 _I'm sorry, Kaneki_.

"Hide, please. You have to promise me you'll live."

 _I'm so, so sorry_.

"I'll come back to get you."

 _ **I'm sorry**_.

_It looks like I can't keep my promise after all._

Kaneki's face was burned to the front of Hide's mind, his smile lingering, the warmth of his expression filling him up.

A soft smile spread across his face as he tumbled through the air, the worry of brain tumors and mortality long gone.

Right now, it was just Hide and the wind.

It's funny, how selfish you become when you have nothing. As soon as something comes along that makes the darkness a little more bearable, you cling to it. You hold on like it's the last thing you'll ever have in your life.

And sometimes it is.

\--

For a little while, there was a young boy by the name of Hideyoshi Nagachika who liked the way the wind blew through his windows, and liked it even better when he tumbled out of them, smiling even as the ground rose up to meet him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your time. I'm so thankful for all the hits and comments and bookmarks you kind folks have left. I read all the comments left here and they mean so much to me. Thank you.


End file.
